TWO OUTFITS BY 1:00

Hello all! Today is our second full day with Olivia. We started out at the breakfast bar after a bottle. Congee for Olivia, omelets for Mom and Dad. Trying to get her to enjoy banana, but no success yet. She slept fine through the night, with lots of tossing and turning and a few more grunts and whines.

Her bath last night was fine. She and I got in the tub, and she didn't know what to do at first, but daddy showed her how to splash and she soon caught. She didn't like having her hair rinsed, but everything else was good.

After breakfast today we went to a very old Budhist temple. It was very beautiful. The only downside is that we were outside the whole time and it is sweltering. Olivia spent the day in the hip panda, and that seems to be working quite well now that we have it figured out.

After the temple, we went to an upscale, 8 story mall. Just wandered around and enjoyed the air conditioning mainly. Olivia was needing to be changed, so the only spot I could find was on the floor of the "accessible" stall in the women's rest room. I put her disposable changing pad down then slid her out of the carrier to find a poopy mess all over the back of her clothing. It is probably over 90 degrees in this bathroom and I am taking her clothes off, cleaning her up, then trying to get new clothes on her, all while kneeling on the floor of the stall. We are doing fine until it is time to put the new clothes on. Olivia HATES getting dressed or undressed. She was screaming her head off. Daddy was outside the door waiting and listening, he finally came on in the women's restroom just as I was trying to get her back in the carrier. By this point, I am so hot I am about ready to faint, so I was needing the help.

After that, more McDonald's. I forgot hot water to make the bottle, so Olivia munched on hamburger and french fries until we got back to the room. There, she pooped again, peed on the bed twice (our fault for letting her roll around without her diaper) and ate more rice cereal than any child should ever eat!

After she indicated she had no intention of taking a nap, we went to the pool for about 45 minutes. She liked it just fine, splashing and jumping around. Now she is sound asleep on the bed.

She reached out for me to pick her up for the first time today, that was pretty cool.

Love to all, Gina, Michael and Olivia

Adoption Day

Today began after breakfast with a trip to the government office to sign papers to finalize the adoption, then to another office for notarization. After that, we went shopping at a three-story Wal-Mart. We then stopped at McDonalds and returned to the hotel around 1 or 2.

Olivia is amazing. She is a very happy baby. She goes to Michael or I equally well. She loves to jump on our lap or tummy. She has a fabulous smile and laugh. She slept through the night, but man does she roll around a lot! She went from one side of the crib and back again all night long. Thank goodness for the wonderful sleepers.

About the only things Olivia does not like are changing clothes, which is like trying to dress an eel and going to sleep for a nap or to bed. She fights it to the bitter end and then some. She took a very late nap today so we are still up now, with a bath and a bottle still on the agenda.

She will eat (and based on today’s diaper has eaten) pretty much anything her 4.5 little teeth can handle. Today we had congee, noodles, mushroom soup, minestrone and more congee, plus three bottles. The girl can eat!

She also had her first babysitter today! We went for a walk, hoping to get her down for a nap and found the spa. I went in for a massage and daddy took her upstairs and finally got her to nap. He needed to bring some money down to me, so Vito, Zoie’s Grandpa, watched her sleep for about 10 minutes. Thanks Vito!

Love to all, Michael, Gina and Olivia

Meeting Olivia

After much anticipation, we had the pure joy of meeting our little Olivia today. We went to the conference room to wait. Zoie arrived first, then Lily. After a few minutes the director and nanny walked in with Olivia. They immediately took her to the end of the room for pictures. Then, we had to sit down and have our picture taken with her, which is the first time we held her. It was all so surreal,and relatively calm. We had to sign some papers, then talked with orphanage director and nanny for quite a while.
We came back up to the room and have been playing with her and feeding her for a couple hours. She loves to play and has been laughing and smiling most of the time. She would much prefer to eat congee, but we have been trying to get her to take a bottle. She also ate a decent sized bowl of rice cereal. Baby likes to eat!
She will immitate us, loves the stacking cups and rolls from front to back on the bed like a pro! She goes to either of us equally well, but LOVE'S jumping on daddy's lap. She has made really good eye contact when we have been playing. I think after a long day, she is starting to wear down a little early.

We cannot access the blog, mom is posting for me. Hopefuly we can figure something out soon.

Love to all, Michael and Gina

Saturday in Hong Kong

After breakfast, we set out on a trip to Aberdeen Harbor on the other side of Hong Kong Island from where we were in Kowloon. It required us to take a ferry to Hong Kong then a bus over to Aberdeen. From there, we hired a sampan for a tour around the harbor. It was a wonderful experience, relaxing, riding around, taking in this amazing life on the water. Although, for the second time recently (the first in Harlem on a tour) I felt very much a voyeur. As we slowly moved around the boats in the harbor, I felt as if I were looking into someone’s living room which, in fact, I was. Toward the end of our tour, our driver stopped at a boat to pick up some lunch. On our return trip, we asked and asked until we figured out how to get to the Peak Tram so that we could go to the top of Victoria Peak. It was exciting in that after we got off our bus, we got on a cable car, then had to walk a couple block to the Peak Tram. We were not completely sure our directions were good, but we made it anyway!

Victoria Peak was amazing. The views are simply stunning. Once we arrived and briefly took in the scenery, we went to Bubba Gump restaurant for dinner. All day, we would check the time and figure out the number of hours until we met Olivia. I also thought a bunch about Amy as she was on that oh so boring flight. Dinner was good, the view was exceptional. We then went to the observation deck and looked around and took a bunch of pictures. After wandering around the huge “mall” some, we got back in line for the trip down. We saw a soccer team from some country coming up – lots of people were pretty excited about that.

We then took the bus back to the ferry and the ferry back to Kowloon then walked back to the hotel. Hong Kong and environs were so easy to get around, and really, in just a day, we felt pretty comfortable navigating our way around.

2 Ferries, 2 Busses, 2 Trains

 

 

 

 

After a wonderful breakfast at the hotel, our non-stop day of moving continued! We decided to go see the giant Budda and monastery in Lantau. The transportation in the title is how we got there and back, in exactly that order. First a ferry over to HK proper, then a ferry up to Lantau. A bus up to the big Budda, a 260 step climb up, then back down, a vegetarian lunch at the monastery, a bus to a subway stop, then two trains back to the hotel. It was cool to see, and on the bus trips got to see some awesome countryside and beaches. The monastery was BEAUTIFUL, we have lots of pictures from there.

After our return, we took a short nap then stopped off at an Irish pub for a beer and a snack that turned out to be our dinner because nothing else sounded good. Then we walked through Kowloon Park to the Temple Street Night Market (the third picture). It was full of people and little booths that they set up and 4pm. No buying, because our suitcases weight exactly what they need for the trip to Fuzhou. From there, we made the long hike back down to the waterfront for the laser show. They have laser lights on the top of many of the buildings, plus the buildings themselves have lights on the outside of them and do a show to music every night. It was really awesome. From there, back to the hotel, another shower, and crashed. Now we are up and on our way to breakfast. We are for sure going to Victoria Peak later today, not sure what else is on the agenda!

Thanks for all the comments, that made our morning!

 

 

Hello Hong Kong, We made it after a long, boring flight! Hong Kong is amazing! We hopped out of bed after a great night's sleep, took a MUCH needed shower, and headed down to the water front for a Tai Chi class. Back to the hotel for a wonderful breakfast buffet. Now we are planning the rest of the day's itinerary. Love to all, Michael and Gina

Baby needs her mommy and daddy

Soon after we received our referral, I received a link to the Love Without Boundaries blog which showed pictures from Olivia's orphanage.

Love Without Boundaries, Qingliu


Olivia is in two of the pictures, the first and the last one. I can't wait to be the one holding her.

Almost ready to go!

Olivia’s suitcase has been packed for a week, mine and Michael’s is pretty close. Mainly just a few last minute things to throw in. As I have said a hundred times, we are so ready.

Here is what our trip will look like:

Wednesday, 7/25 @ 10:00 am – Leave St. Louis, fly through Newark and arrive in Hong Kong on Thursday, 7/26 at around 7 pm.

Sunday, 7/29 @ 7:15 am – Meet up with our group at the airport in Hong Kong and fly to Fuzhou. Check into our hotel and wait until 3:30 pm when we will meet Olivia in a conference room at our hotel.

Monday, 7/30 – Complete the adoption of Olivia.

Tuesday 7/31 – Thursday 8/2 – Wait for Olivia’s passport to be completed.

Friday 8/3 – Pick up Olivia’s passport at 3:30p then fly to Guangzhou and check in to the Holiday Inn Shifu.

Saturday 8/4 – Olivia’s medical exam

Monday 8/6 – Visa application submitted

Tuesday 8/7 – 4:00 pm Visa ceremony at the US Consulate

Wednesday 8/8 – Travel by train back to Hong Kong

Thurday 8/9 – Depart Hong Kong; arrive in St. Louis at 6:25pm

Needless to say, we are extremely excited to get there and get our arms around Olivia.

Please read, my second most important post!!!

There is a lot here to read so I won’t add too much, but please read it. Over the past two and a half years, I have read a great deal on this topic, and while I hope for the best, I want to be prepared. Parenting an internationally adopted child who has spent her life in an orphanage is different. This article will explain why.

What is Attachment?
Secure attachment is a process that normally develops in the first year of life. It occurs when an adult repeatedly meets a child’s physical and emotional needs. For example, when a baby is hungry and cries, a parent quickly responds by providing nourishing food. Likewise, when a baby wants physical and emotional contact, a parent holds and cuddles them and talks in soothing tones.

For the child it does not matter whether the caregiver is a parent, relative, or some other adult. What matters is that the child’s needs are quickly and lovingly met and that there is consistency in who is meeting their needs. As time goes on, the child will become more in tune to who is meeting their needs and will form an attachment to that person.

Attachment is a two-way relationship. Not only do children need to become attached to their parents, but parents also need to feel attached to their child.

Why is Attachment Important?
Secure attachment lays the foundation for a child to be trusting of others and self-confident. It is also how children first learn how to identify and cope with stress and with feelings such as fear and anger. Children who are securely attached to their parents will appear at ease, will show delight, and will turn to their parents when they want comfort. Secure attachment also provides a sense of security when interacting with others because the child knows that they can always go back to their parent if they need support or protection.

When Secure Attachment is Missing
Children who are not securely attached to their parents tend to avoid or resist relationships. Avoidance is seen when the child does not give any special attention to the parent. Any person will suffice to meet the child’s needs — the child does not make a distinction between parents and strangers. Resistance is seen when the child actively opposes the parent. The child may swing back and forth between wanting to be held by a parent and actively fighting against them.

In both cases, the child does not see the parent as a safe and trusted person. Because the child has no touchstone or safety net, it is harder for the child to venture out into the world. The child is likely to be more passive and less curious than other children. They may seem unsure of trying new things.

Fostering Attachment in International Adoption
When a child is adopted internationally, there is a critical transition in which the child must transfer their attachment from their previous caregiver to their adoptive parents. In short, it is a matter of recreating the attachment process. This occurs when the parents consistently meet the physical and emotional needs of their child. If a child has securely attached to their caregiver (foster family or orphanage workers), then they can transfer that attachment to the parents. The key to making the transfer is that it needs to be clear to the child who their parents are and that their parents will be there consistently to provide nurturance, comfort, and support.

In order to make this transfer, it is strongly recommended that adopted children be gradually introduced to extended family and friends. As excited as everyone will be to welcome the child home and as tempting as it is to throw a big party right away, this kind of activity can be confusing and overwhelming to the child. They may placidly let themselves be passed from one person to another. Parents may mistakenly think that this means they are comfortable already. However, their acceptance of the situation may well be because they do not have a sense of where they belong. Any adult can hold them because mom and dad are not yet preferred over anyone else.

For this reason, it is recommended that the new family keep activities low key for the first weeks home. Most importantly, mom and dad should be the only ones to provide for the child’s physical needs for the first month or so. Yes, Grandma and Grandpa raised their own children and know how to care for a child. However, at first it needs to be mom and dad who do the feeding, changing, bathing, soothing, etc.

Parenting During the Transition
During the transition time when the child is beginning to attach to mom and dad, it is important to parent with the transition in mind. In order to foster secure attachment, it may be necessary to do things differently in the short-term than in the long-term. A few recommendations are:

• Do not use a babysitter for the first couple of months your child is home. The parents should be providing all of the basic care.
• Do not let your child “cry it out.” Sleep disruptions are common when a child first comes home. After all, their whole universe has turned upside down. Although you may let your child cry in the future, during the transition it is important that they know that you will be there to comfort them.
• Don’t let your child feed himself, even if he can hold the bottle or manage the spoon. It needs to be clear that you are the one meeting his needs when he is hungry. Feeding time is also a great chance for one-on-one time and eye contact.
• Play in ways that foster attachment. Any games that promote eye contact and in which your child must rely on you are good. Some fun attachment activities include: playing in a swimming pool where your child must hold onto you; give your child a laminated picture of the family that they can carry around with them; play peek-a-boo; put a sticker on your face and have your child remove it and put it back on; fill your cheeks with air and have your child “pop” them; mirror one another’s expressions; play hide-and-seek; give your child a ride on a pillow by dragging them across the floor; rock your child to sleep.

What About Family and Friends?
During the transition, family and friends may feel a little left out. Grandparents, especially, may not be able to spend as much time with their new grandchild or dote on them as much as they would like. This is temporary. Remember: the goal is for the new child to securely attach to their parents. Once that happens, then you will be able to see them, take them on outings, babysit, etc. to your heart’s content! Until then, visits will need to be short.
If you want to help the new parents there are many things you can do:
• Make meals, package them in freezer containers, and deliver them to the new family
• Go grocery shopping and run errands
• Offer to clean the house, do the laundry, wash the car, mow the lawn, etc.
• Help address and stuff envelopes to mail out homecoming announcements
• Be the contact person to share news and updates with other family and friends
References:

Toddler Adoption: The Weaver’s Craft, Mary Hopkins-Best (1997)
Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today’s Parents, by Deborah D. Gray (2002)

Travel dates

Woo hoo!!! We finally know when we are traveling! We will leave St. Louis on Wednesday July 25th and return to St. Louis on Thursday, August 9th.

We also got our TA in the mail yesterday!

Gina