One year ago today.....

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Tuesday, June 5, 2007 – How many times can you hit refresh in an hour?

Nothing about referrals so far – very little by way of rumors, no word that much is happening at all. On Monday, RQ reported that there was no new information on the “pay system”. Also on Monday, RQ said “Referrals rarely arrive on Tuesday.” Tuesday morning, she posts about the Review Room, nothing at all about referrals. Then boom – mid afternoon, a couple people on the coasts report that they received calls. They are here! Nothing from my agency though, but not expected since they are in the Midwest. Just in case, I figured out how to do a conference call on my phone to get Michael on the line.

Later in the afternoon, on our agency family Yahoo group the moderator posted the referral “warning”. A severe weather styled announcement that is posted when referrals are eminent. I have been reading it since I joined the group and it brought tears to my eyes every time. This time it made me cry.

I head home from work for a solitary sleepless night. Michael is out of town for a meeting. Okay, not completely solitary. The cats join me for a while, but get tired of all the thrashing about and finally leave. While I rarely admitted it in the many months we waited, I wondered and worried the whole time about whether we would actually receive a referral. People get skipped, overlooked or refused on a regular basis. Would this happen to us? If we got a referral, would it be twins? A boy? Is this really going to happen? Who will I call first? Will we really get a call? Tossing, turning. Will she be cute? How old? What if we don’t get a referral?

Wednesday, June 6, 2007 – 217 (see above)

I get up and head to work. Sitting on my desk is the call sheet questions and my cell phone. On my computer screen is either RQ or our agency Yahoo group. Refresh. Not much info. Refresh. Check the blog. Refresh. Check the Nov. 05 room. Refresh. Do some work. Refresh. Look at my phone.

A few more referrals are starting to show up. Look at my phone. Make sure it is on. Write down directions for conferencing Michael in. Check my camera. Answer a couple calls and questions. Wait. Wait. Pace nervously.

I got an email from Susan about going out to lunch. I email back this: “Sounds good to me, but there is a chance that you might be present for the birth of my child. That wouldn’t be to gross to do during lunch, would it?” She, Darla and I leave for lunch around noon. We go to Stephanina’s and sit on the patio. Michael calls. I hurry him off the phone. I get text messages from Candi and Amy, my travel mates. They have heard from their social workers that referrals are here. I hear nothing from mine. More worry. My sister calls wanting to know what is going on. I hurry her off the phone. We finish our lunch. I push back from the table and enjoy the sunshine and my iced tea. At 1:03pm the phone rings. I look at the caller ID and say, already in tears, “this is it”. Susan grabs the camera and starts taking pictures. I answer the phone and Laura announces herself. I ask “do you have our referral” and she says “Yes” I ask her to hold on and I conference Michael in as he is driving back home from his meeting.

After we are all on the phone, Laura gives us the information about Olivia. It is all a blur. I remember scrawling down the information on the fancy “Call” sheet. Susan and Darla are looking over my shoulder as I am writing and asking questions. After Laura signs off, Michael and I giggle to each other for a bit on the phone then sign off, almost in disbelief. I start making calls, no idea who to or in what order. We head back to the office. By 2:21 pm, Amy, Candi and I had all spoken, violated our agencies “24-hour” rule (you are supposed to wait 24 hours before telling travel mates in case the agency had not been able to contact them yet) and shared our news with each other. We had agreed months ago that the 24-hour rule just didn’t work for us.

I honestly do not remember what we did that evening. We had originally planned on having champagne and celebrating, but we decided to have a big party on Friday so we saved the champagne for that night.

Our agency overnights the pictures and some of the paperwork, usually by UPS. Our UPS driver comes after 4, so months prior to our referral, I made sure that our package would be FedExed because they come first thing in the morning. We waited outside with a camera. When he arrived, we took pictures then Michael, the FedEx guy and I looked at the pictures. We were in love – with Olivia, not the FedEx guy. I immediately went downstairs to scan and post them.

Looking back, it all seems so vivid, yet in some ways, so distant. I lived and breathed and anticipated that moment for over two years. It really did come, we then busied ourselves getting ready to travel and be gone from work. It was so monumental at the time, but now, having had Olivia in my arms for more than 10 months, that is really what this is all about. She is such an amazing little girl and we are loving every minute!

Today, I had lunch again with Susan and Darla and enjoyed their wonderful company once again. We had to sit inside because the wind is crazy and I forgot the camera, but it was great!